When I was a little kid, I was one of those kids who didn’t take losing very well. For awhile I was your typical “poor sport.” If I would lose at something I would get upset, disappointed and often cry foul. Fortunately, my loving and supporting parents nurtured me through that stage of my life and I ended up having a solid athletic career throughout my teenage years. It didn’t make losing easy to take, but I learned how to deal with it and how to respond. To me, losing in athletic events was hard because I always felt that I prepared, did my homework and gave me best. Whenever the result would fall short it always stung because I felt the output never matched the input.
Much like losing in sports, disappointments and setbacks in life work the same way. Recently, I’ve talked to a number of young professionals who have encountered a setback or disappointment that is work or career related. Some didn’t get the performance review they thought they had earned, others got snubbed for a role or project, and the list goes on. I sensed anger, but also angst and frustration in the tones of the individuals I spoke with. Many didn’t quite understand how they saw themselves one way but someone else viewed it an entirely different way. Others felt exasperated because they thought they had done everything and it still wasn’t enough. And finally, others felt dejected, feeling like they have no more answers. You go down a path, you invest time, effort and energy and despite this something doesn’t end up working out the way you had hoped. The end result doesn’t match or show the work you did and invested. Disappointments and setbacks in our careers or at work can be particularly frustrating. In some cases, we blame ourselves, thinking there was more we shoulda, coulda and woulda done. We play the “what if” game and run through thousands of scenarios of how it could have ended differently if we had just done this or that. Or, we blame others involved, and fault them for their mistakes, their lack of due diligence or their transgressions.
While it might sound peculiar to “get good” at dealing with setbacks or disappointments, knowing a few ways to manage and think through setbacks can help you identify opportunities and navigate through adversity. After all, many of our achievements end up coming out of setbacks. Through perspective, assessment and persistence, we can find ways to move forward.
Walk Away- Its easy to get upset or emotional when we first hear disappointing news. Its important to act rationally and appropriately, and to do what is necessary in order to do just that. After hearing of the news, step away from the environment you are in and do what you have to do to let it out. Feeling emotional or upset is absolutely natural, but doing so in a way that doesn’t damage your reputation is also critical.
See the other side– Once you’ve settled down and have begun analyzing the situation an important but difficult thing to do is to acknowledge the other side, or play devil’s advocate. Think from the other side, or other person’s point of view and try to understand how they arrived at that outcome or decision. Doing so will widen your perspective, and help you strengthen your argument. In addition, when you can acknowledge the counterpoint in a discussion, it can win the respect of your peers because it shows them that you are mature, intelligent and respectful.
Seek an outsider view- Perspective is so important that sometimes getting asking someone who doesn’t have any perspective is just the perspective you need. Find an honest outsider that you trust (both from a confidentiality perspective and an advice perspective) and as best as you can lay out the information objectively and get their opinion. Sometimes having a set of foreign eyes will help you see things you didn’t originally pick up.
Create an Action plan – Words and analysis will only take you so far. Put together what you will do to move forward and bounce back. As I said earlier, many of us have already created successes in life out of events that were initially setbacks and failures. Creating an action plan to move forward is one step towards finding that success.
Bouncing back from disappointments and setbacks isn’t always easy. But when we take the time to step back, think, get perspective and move forward there are opportunities to be found. While they will always part of our lives, learning to manage them will help us grow our live and careers and identify future opportunities.
A Digital Mentor 